This is dated April 20th, 2007. It was written a few days after my car accident. I was the driver in a very bad drunk driving accident. I learned a very huge lesson from that accident. I hope that you can learn from my story.

“Okay. I am going to write about it. I’ve been avoiding this forever because subconsciously I figured if I never put it down in writing, it wouldn’t really exist. Unfortunately, I know I was lying to myself and it will never go away. I have to record it while the wounds are still fresh and the memories are still strong, although I’m sure the latter of the two will never fade.

April 14th, 2007. Ally and I were going to see Badfish, the tribute band to Sublime, at the Chance in Poughkeepsie. We were really excited and got there somewhat early. We got lost in Poughkeepsie, but eventually found level parking a block away from the venue and we got out of the car. Ally smoked a joint and then we walked to the building. I didn’t smoke with her because I don’t like marijuana, and looking back I guess that was one thing that I did right. When we got there we listened to a band named Lemonade Grenade. We ended up meeting a few people around the ages of 20 to 22. For some reason, Ally and I split up a while after that. I hung out with a guy and a girl. She hung out with a few guys. I don’t know why I left her. I hate myself for it. But I did, so I have to face that and continue this. I ended up drinking with these kids. I don’t remember how much, but it was enough to catch a decent buzz. I saw a few people from school and we hung out for a bit. I don’t know why I didn’t go back to Ally. I don’t know why I kept drinking. I can’t change it now but I can’t stop thinking about it and wishing I didn’t do it.

Eventually I went back to where Ally was, and we watched the rest of Scotty Don’t and then Badfish began. Their set was really good, but it was getting late. My curfew was 1:00. Around 12:15 I told Ally that we had to go. She brushed me off. We left the Chance at 1:05. I’m angry at her for not leaving earlier. She knew my parents are super strict. Then we got lost trying to get back to my car. A security car picked us up and brought us to it. We left the parking lot around 1:15. My dad called and said, “It’s 1:15. Where the fuck are you?” I proceeded to tell him that I was lost. Then he hung up on me. Unfortunately, due to the fact that I was drinking earlier, this freaked me out and I began to speed. I didn’t think to drive slow. I didn’t calm myself down and think that I was already late, and another fifty minutes wouldn’t make a difference now. I just began to speed.

We got on the Taconic shortly after. I was driving at an incredibly fast pace. 90 mph was the slowest I was driving on a parkway with a speed limit of 55 mph. I seemed fine and in control, even. I repeatedly told Ally to watch out for cops. I told her that I couldn’t afford to get into any more trouble. How ironic. We got to the curve at Route 301 and I was doing around 117 mph. That’s when the car began to spin out. I just kept saying, “oh my god, Ally”. It started to flip. It flipped quite a few times. I don’t have any recollection as to whether I jammed on the brakes or touched the wheel, but I know that I kept my eyes open the whole time. Ally began to scream. I stayed silent. The car dragged on its roof for about half a mile, due to the extreme speed I had been driving at. All I saw was sparks, glass shattering, and the airbags deploying. All I smelled was burning. I can still smell it when I think of it. Two wheels were ripped off. The sparks came from dragging on the rim of the wheel, and dragging on the roof. 

When it finally stopped, I thought we were dead. Then I realized I was in my car, upside down. The first thing I thought was that it wasn’t that bad. It didn’t happen. But I quickly realized it was real… and Ally was silent. Panicking, I shouted, “ALLY! ALLY. Oh my god, are you okay?” and she sort of mumbled. She was okay, but her head was stuck. I unbuckled my seatbelt and crawled behind her to try and get her hair out from wherever it was stuck. Then someone pulled up. Even though my roof was caved in on us, I saw footsteps from the tiny bit of window that was exposed [okay, I don’t know how to explain it properly, but my car was upside down and the roof had crushed in]. For some reason I thought I could crawl out, so I tried to. In the attempt to do this I cut my hands open. That’s when I realized my left hand was throbbing.

“Is anyone in there? Are you alive?” came a shaky voice from outside the car. I told the girl that we were okay, but we were stuck and needed an ambulance. She had already called 911. I found out shortly after that the girl was Christina Zottoli, a girl in my grade who used to be my best friend in middle school. We hadn’t spoken since 8th grade. I later found out that she was drunk, too, and had been driving with her car on cruise control. An animal ran in front of her car, causing her to slam on her brakes. That’s when she saw the dirt and glass all over the road for half a mile, which made her slow down. If the animal hadn’t run in front of her car she would have hit mine, which would have caused my car to explode. And even if it didn’t explode, she would have killed us. 

When the police finally came, they pulled the doors open with crowbars. They got Ally out without cutting her hair. I began hyperventilating when we got out of the car because the sight was so awful. They were sprinkling sawdust on the transmission fluid that was leaking. I don’t know why we didn’t die. I don’t know why the car didn’t explode. I don’t know why an animal ran in front of Christina’s car. Nothing makes sense and it scares me that I had a near death experience. They offered me oxygen but I didn’t want it. They took a breathalyzer out and I blew a .16%. Double the legal limit. I asked to call my mother and they told me no. I continued to ask until they let me. She was so disgusted that I was late, so without talking to me at all she passed the phone to my father. I told him I got into an accident and he asked if Ally and I were okay and then spoke to the police. The ambulance finally came and we were forced to lay on boards, strapped down, with neckbraces on. The ride to Valhalla was long and horrible. My hand was killing me and I was shaking insanely, despite the three blankets on me. The EMT crew told us we must have had an angel riding in our backseat because they’ve never seen an accident that bad with people who were alive.

We got to the hospital and there was only one doctor on the floor. The police had a nurse take my blood, for which the results still have not come back. I got my hand and neck x-rayed. My neck was just bruised but my left hand is broken. Ally’s knee is very bruised and huge, and she had to get two staples in her head. My mom came and cried hysterically. She ended up seeing my tattoo when they removed my pants and I have to get it laser removed. The police kept questioning Ally and me, and claimed the Chance is an 18+ club, which isn’t true. It’s an all ages club. They were rude and horrible. When I finally got to go home, I went to sleep in my parents’ room. I had nightmares. I slept for three hours and then we went to the police station to get my fingerprints and mugshot taken. I cried the whole way because of how afraid I was to be in the car. We passed where the accident was, and pieces of my car were there. I was arrested for imprudent speed, DWI, blowing over a .08%, and unsafe lane changes. There were no written witnesses, thank god. 

After that, we went to the towing company to see the car. My mother tooks pictures and cried. I cried, too. The car is totally… I don’t know. Just horrible. Well, it’s crushed now, but when I saw it I couldn’t believe it. The entire front end was ripped up, the front grill was torn off, two wheels were off, the entire roof was crushed in, all the glass was gone, and there were CHUNKS of Ally’s hair hanging from the roof of the passenger’s side. The towing company owner asked if there were any survivors. He couldn’t believe I was the driver. He said he figured whoever was in the car was dead. [Dan said something similar. He had passed the accident and said that he figured whoever was in the car was dead or had a death wish. He freaked out when he found out it was me in the car.]

So that’s what happened. Next week I go to the doctor to have my hand x-rayed again. Hopefully it won’t have to be in this cast anymore, but I doubt that will happen because it hurts so much right now. I’m so sad. I feel sick all of the time. I feel scared all of the time. I hate being the car with my mother. It’s not her driving that scares me, it’s being in a car in general. I don’t know how I’m going to get through all of this. But I’m alive and I’m trying to keep a positive attitude.”

It’s kind of horrifying to read this, but I am so glad that I wrote it back then. I was merely 17 years old. I learned a huge lesson. It made me grow up in a huge way. No one could ever understand the pain that I caused for myself— not even the passenger, who still actively rides in the car with drunk drivers— and I hope to God that this can be somewhat of an eye-opener for someone, anyone. Re-evaluate your choices. I was very fortunate, but what about people who aren’t as lucky as me? We all deserve a fair chance at life.