Wrecking Ball Wrecking Mind

rocksteadyvibes, October 16th, 2009 

You ask for trust and I try my hardest to give it to you;
I’ve been broken down like a door so many times before.
The wood has become warped and ground down to a splintery rug…
feet step all over and I am used, abused and neglected.
left in the cold, nothing more than a doormat for people’s sick pleasure.

You have pulled me out of that rut and made me see who I am
who I can be, who I want to be.
you promise that you won’t hurt me, your decisions are good for us
you need me to be patient,
I need to have faith.

I’m giving you my heart and my soul
and I want to give you my trust, but I don’t know if I have any left.
I left it out at that door years ago,
like a bag full of candy for greedy teenagers at Halloween.
they stole and they grabbed and they left nothing for me at the end of the night.
silly me for not asking them to knock.
I thought it’d be easier to close my eyes.
I didn’t know that they’d take it all away.

I fight all odds with you. I am armoring myself and rebuilding my door.
you are casual with her, curt and polite.
but she’s banging at my construction site with a wrecking ball
and it’s making me tremble.
I’m quivering and my walls are being knocked at constantly.

she pounds with her steel hammer. 
her words are destructive and she makes me sick.
sociopath with a mission- she needs to win this fight.
she won’t be told no. she’s invading your space;
she’s invading my mind.
I keep on gluing pieces of wood together with you, 
frantically and quickly, only to find that she knocked out 
another window with her stone eyes and her iron fist.

you tell me to hang on tight…
you’re going to evict her from the property.
you’re going to short out her machine’s engine so she can’t hurt us anymore.
you’re going to going to going to going to…
when are you going to?
wait, what? I’m supposed to have faith?

how can I trust when I lost it all years ago? 
it’s not your fault, but keeping her around is.
she’s infectious, diseased. harrowing, horrible.
I need a stone foundation.
let’s get away from this wreckage.