I know that sometimes when you break up with someone it hurts to talk to them. I have closed chapters of my life many times before, shutting people out without a second thought. I understand that it’s hard to live when you have to acknowledge someone who hurt you so badly every single day. I don’t know why this is any different.

I want you to know that I am sorry. I am really, truly sorry. I shouldn’t have upset you the way that I did. I should have been a better person. I shouldn’t have tried to hide from the truth and hurt you because I was hurting inside of myself. I’m sorry for that all. You didn’t deserve those things.

You and your “friend” and family hurt me from the start, and continued to throughout our relationship. No one ever betrayed me as deeply as you did. You allowed it to go on for almost a year with this friend. And you hid me from your family for the longest time. I couldn’t take being closeted. I couldn’t stand how much you let people control you. I wanted you to be your own person. I wasn’t about to be thrown into the closet again after being out for six years. You hid me from so many people.

Maybe I should have been okay with that. I was, after all, your first girlfriend. But you would always talk about the future that we had together and all of the things that you wanted to do with me. You wanted to travel, you wanted to grow, you wanted to spend your life with me. You gave me a diamond ring to symbolize the love that you felt for me. Why would you do that if you didn’t even know for sure about us?

When we broke up you swore that you wouldn’t leave me. You wouldn’t abandon me. But you’re not here. And I don’t think you’re going to come back. It makes me so sad sometimes. Other times I don’t think much about it. Sometimes I’m okay with the decision you ultimately made, but there are points where I think it’s unfair and mean.

We all make mistakes in life. My mistake with you was being dishonest about my true feelings and allowing myself to become such a mean, hurtful person. Our mistake together was continuing with something that was so unnatural, so forced. Your mistake with me was allowing so much drama to burden us and not standing up for me. We all make mistakes. I have forgiven you and I am forgiving myself.

Today is my 20th birthday. I have learned so much from you over the past two years. You were an important person to me. You taught me many things. I wish that you could understand that it’s not anyone’s fault that we didn’t work out. It just happens in life. Some people are meant to be together, some aren’t. We didn’t do anything wrong when we broke up. In fact, we did the right thing.

I’m sorry that I met someone else. It happened because that’s the way that life works. And if you haven’t already, pretty soon YOU will meet a new person, too. And I will be happy for you and you will have my full support. I hope you can feel peace with me one day. I hope that we can fix things and turn this into a friendship. I am willing to look past everything and move forward with you.

I hope you’ll talk to me soon. I’m a nice friend, I swear.